Narcissistic Graffiti

Narcissistic Graffiti: March 3, 2010

After a dose of Henry Rollins on Sunday (see “Top 10 Rollins Takeaways” below), this week feels like I’m digging myself (slowly) out of the hole I found myself in last week. I just seemed to be in a miserable despairing mood about everything last week. Part of it might also be the continuing fight with my own identity. You’d think sprucing up my place with some new furniture is simply a logistical act, but it turned out to be more of a psychological battle’s extension into the field of reality. The “old Kevin” that survived adolescence and my twenties sometimes doesn’t like the mellower, subtle, professional “new Kevin” that wants a setting more appropriate to a 32-year old. I’m finding the road into my thirties bumpy thusfar, still laden with too much past baggage that I’m continually throwing out onto the road of life. I’m sure I’m not alone in this struggle.

Because Henry Rollins’s spoken word show on Sunday inspired me so much as he usually does, I am sharing my Top 10 takeaways from the show.

1.    Do not fear. Walk toward the propeller blades of life. This is an antidote for cynicism. Rollins pointed out that he’d rather be the guy who walks toward the propeller blades (creating art, working, being in a relationship, traveling, etc.) rather than the guy who makes fun of people who walk toward propeller blades.

2.    Stay curious. Read, absorb, travel. Rollins is 49 and as curious as a kid. He wants to read everything, know everything, travel everywhere.

3.    Travel. See other perspectives. Did I mention travel?

4.    Stop celebrating the fruits of capitalism. Start celebrating continual learning and solving important problems. Rollins mentioned that students at a college got to pick their commencement speaker and they chose him. Partly it was because they were sick of who university presidents and the board of trustees normally choose - some 75-year old white guy who owns 700 McDonalds franchises and talks about virtues, hard work, and how much money he made. There are more important role models for students other than people whose life’s vision is limited to money and Wall Street. Rollins told students to stay curious, stay angry, and never grow complacent.

5.    Poverty is relative. That means Americans should stop their entitled bitching. For example, we would categorize people in Indochina as living in extreme poverty. Rollins walked the streets there and talked to people. They don’t view it as extreme poverty. They get up on Tuesday and do their work, regardless of conditions.

6.    Geek out. Then share it with others. Rollins is a shameless music fanatic. He also brings 450 GB of music with him wherever he goes and shares it with people when appropriate. Spread the fire of geekdom!

7.    Learn more about wrongs committed in the world. So many times, we are screwed over by governments, corporations, and people because we don’t understand how they are screwing us over. For example, the CEO of Union Carbide (Warren Anderson) whose company was responsible for a severe industrial catastrophe in India 25 years ago (killing 20,000 people - more than six times the number of people who died on 9/11), is alive, rich, and unpunished to this day.

8.    It’s okay that we’re works in progress. Rollins often talks about how flawed he is – how he is alone and emotionally bankrupt, living in a utilitarian hovel, a bad singer, an unsubtle American, etc. Laugh about our flaws, but keeping moving regardless.

9.    Age should not slow you down. At a desert music festival in Africa, Rollins saw 60 and 70 year olds still traversing the world and enjoying life. You’re never too old.

10.    Metal is universal! :) Rollins spent some time in Sri Lanka with a friend’s teenage kid. They listened to Sri Lankan death metal. It sounded a lot like…death metal.

So Rollins earns my thanks once again for keeping me inspired. My creativity has been solid this week (and even last week, actually). The history of my novel is nearly complete, and it’s cool to be able to reference almost anything in that history with both a timeline and a series of character sketches. In fact, as soon as I click “Publish” on this post, that’s where I’m headed.

What in the Hell Am I Listening To? – March 3, 2010

Now that I’ve got my Top 200 favorite songs out of the way, I have no excuse to cop out with classic traditional picks (like obvious Led Zeppelin songs) as I attempt to use this blog to play music detective – searching out new, strange, and sundry music to share with you.

Each week, I plan to share a playlist of about ten songs. These songs can be from any artist, any genre, any time period. Each day, I’ll highlight (via a link in Facebook and/or Twitter) some of these songs in a “What in the Hell Am I Listening To Today?” bit. We’ll see how this goes. It’s a way to share some of my music geekdom with y’all, both weekly and daily. Many friends have requested for years that I do this in some form or another. You ask, I deliver.

Here’s this week’s playlist:

“Ask Me Why” The Beatles Please Please Me (1963)

Why: An early song that often gets overlooked except by rabid Beatles fans. Some of the most exquisite harmonies – the kind that bowl you over when you hear them.

“Bedroom Eyes” The Barrow Boys Barrow Boys (2009)

Why: My friend Troy Junge is the lead singer of an alt-country band in Atlanta that also includes Aaron Lewis, Mike Zimmerman, and Todd Prusin. Check them out. 

“Holy Smokes” Monster of the Ocean (2010)

Why: A friend of mine in Upstate New York has created an electronica project called Monster of the Ocean. I used to jam with him (me, drums; him, guitar) back in the day. He’s got oodles of talent and potential. Check him out, and especially the wild organ on “Holy Smokes.” 

“Insane” The Bug London Zoo (2008)

Why: While this isn’t music I tend to listen to (dubstep), I find it more intoxicating each time I return to it. This particular song, in some unnamable way for me, reflects the feeling of our times, the confusion and darkness and energy, better than any other current song out there.

“Into the Coven” Mercyful Fate Melissa (1983)

Why: The introduction to this song is pure Spinal Tap – thirty seconds of dumb acoustic/electric guitar interplay great for dwarfs dancing around tiny Stonehenges. But then, the song ENTERS. There’s a reason Metallica covered it in 1998. Classic dark metal chords, evil fist-pumping energy, and King Diamond’s wail at its greatest.

“Love Is Like an Itching in My Heart” The Supremes (1966)

Why: This song “only” got to #9 amidst a string of #1s in the 1960s for the Supremes, so relative to those songs it gets lost in the shuffle for those who only know a handful of their greatest hits. It’s a killer song with all of the elements coming together: Motown’s rock kick, the sax punctuating the beat, and Diana Ross delivering it perfectly with her usual attitude and cooing restraint.

“My Curse” Killswitch Engage As Daylight Dies (2006)

Why: Takes Pantera and Faith No More, melds them together, and adds heaps of youthful energy to deliver some classic modern metal. I’m picky about my metal, but I like these guys.

“Pictures of a City / 42nd at Treadmill” King Crimson In the Wake of Poseidon (1970)

Why: Most casual fans don’t delve beyond King Crimson’s first album. On their second album, this is the main opening song. Blends proto-metal, jazz-prog, and a runaway middle section on speed. Love this time in rock history when “prog-rock lava” had yet to cool.

“Pistachio” Lisa Hannigan See Sew (2009)

Why: A song about melancholy that isn’t melancholy but that still feels melancholy. Maybe you have to listen to it.

“Taking Drugs at the Amusement Park” The Silent Years Let Go EP (2009)

Why: Like Arcade Fire without the bullshit and pretension. Plus, my friend Tim Verras’s sister (Cassandra Verras) is in the band. They’re currently making an album produced by Graham Nash’s company.

 

Narcissistic Graffiti: February 23, 2010

Brief(er) post this week, despite a busier schedule than previous weeks. Been on the go trying to make things happen on all levels: creatively, professionally, personally. On a road a lot to various cities around Georgia. Participated in a food tasting for TechBridge last Wednesday. We were tasting the food that will potentially be served at the Digital Ball. First time I’ve ever sat in on a professional food tasting. I was impressed by how well women understand and critique the finer details of food appropriateness and presentation. As one of two men there, our attitude was more “I’ll eat whatever you give me.” :)

Made a good sale last week, and I got to watch our team swoop into action. They are lethal and superb at what they do. Nice to know when I make a sale that I’ve got my back covered.

With the help of a good friend, I finally bought some furniture that I’d been putting off buying for WAY too long. Psychologically, I’ve resisted the idea of sprucing up my apartment for irrational reasons. Like a boulder I couldn’t push off a hill, my friend helped me get it rolling down the mountain. I’m now the proud owner of a new sofa, dining room table, kitchen table, coffee table, and improved mattress. I also cleaned a good deal of crap out of my apartment. After three days of this new environment sinking in, I’m not only more cheered when I come home now but I also realize I’ll be able to invite people over once I get a few more items. I look forward to having people over, so I think this event has opened up a new chapter of my life. Funny what a little bit of furniture can do!

Reading some postmodern literature (Barth, Pynchon) and doing a lot of thinking during my walks and drives about the goals I’ve saddled onto myself over the course of my life (especially in my twenties). I’m still working on my novel every day, but I’ve stopped talking about it so much and giving myself ridiculous deadlines. The more I understand how the two are separate: a) talking about my novel (i.e. seeking public validation or substitute validation in lieu of inner self-esteem/love) and b) working on my novel (i.e. the love of creation, the joy of language, the exhilaration of personal discovery), the more I find myself working on my novel or other projects with less pressure and less yammering about them. It will happen when it will happen. Postmodern literature is also refreshing in its deconstruction of clichés. We can be such a cliché-ridden culture with a dearth of invention, so it’s always a challenge to stay creatively fresh and find others who communicate in unique ways.

Today unraveled logistically for some odd reason. I went to Bed Bath and Beyond to buy some items, and completely f’d up attempting to buy king-size sheets (I bought divets and shims by accident). At that same time, I noticed my driver’s side window was broken. Two hours later, I finally got to the car service dealership and dropped my car off overnight. Driving home in a rented car, I encountered a bizarre computer issue that blocked me from both my work and personal email. Not sure why this particular pattern occurred. Too much too fast this weekend? As soon as I shut off work at 7pm, I had one of the best work out sessions since November, and one of my best creative sessions in about a week. Maybe the world was urging me to stop and reset? Who knows.

Looking forward to more adventures in creativity, work, and life this week. I never know what’s coming up, but my inner vibe seems to have shifted back to positive regardless of what’s going on around me. Henry Rollins is in town on Sunday and I’ll be catching his show. Should be good!

Top 200 Ever: 15th Anniversary Edition (25-1)

Well, here they are. My favorite songs of all time. While I’ve made comments about previous songs in my Top 200, I’ve leaving these ones alone. They are so personal to me that attempts to describe why I like them fall short. They’re all worth a listen if you haven’t heard them.

25 Black Sabbath - Snowblind

24 Christopher Cross - Sailing

23 Duran Duran - A View to a Kill

22 Styx - Babe

21 Steely Dan - Josie

20 Slayer - Silent Scream

19 The Beatles - Come Together

18 Metallica - Fight Fire with Fire

17 Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

16 Metallica - Am I Evil?

15 Tears for Fears - Head Over Heels

14 Journey - Still They Ride

13 Tracy Chapman - Fast Car

12 Dan Fogelberg - Scarecrow's Dream

11 Everything But the Girl - Wrong

10 Boards of Canada - Bocuma / Roygbiv

9 Steely Dan - Peg

8 Duran Duran - Last Chance on the Stairway

7 Metallica - One

6 Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin - Separate Lives

5 Human League - Human

4 Steely Dan - Black Cow

3 Zero 7 - Destiny

2 Alice in Chains - Would?

1 Alice in Chains – Nutshell

 

Narcissistic Graffiti: February 16, 2010

Last week was not a great week. Work was fine but uneventful. I let a wobbly schedule dictate how I spent my time: random appointments in random areas around the city, a doctor’s appointment, business meetings, all clashing around like loose items on a ship. Toward the end of last week, I reunited with some great friends and business acquaintances who cheered my spirits. And of course, the lead up to Valentine’s Day was painful. I had momentarily lost the plot.

This past weekend, I focused heavily on renewing my creativity. A few lessons from literature connected in my head during my adventures in reading.

“Nineteen Fifty-Five” by Alice Walker

This short story was about a thinly veiled Elvis Presley character. His first hit was written by an African-American woman singer who never became as famous as he did, but whose song rang true because it was “lived in.” Elvis was forever haunted by the fact that he could only sing other people’s “lived in” songs and try on different lifestyles, but never really live his own life.

“A Solo Song: For Doc” by James Alan McPherson

This short story was about veteran waiters on a train who had lived their lives on the road. They knew nothing else. There is something inspiring about those who dedicate their all to a craft and a road-warrior lifestyle, but there is also a psychological toll it takes because they know nothing else and cannot really leave the road behind without also leaving their identities.

“To be of use” and “The perpetual migration” by Marge Piercy

These poems talk about the joy and difficulty that go into dedicating one’s life to work and contributing to society. They also give hope (without relying on platitudes) that human progress is real and we are an active part in its progress simply by throwing ourselves into the arena and tackling the work we have at hand.

“A Thanksgiving Celebration” from Rituals of Survival by Nicholasa Mohr

Probably the most powerful story of the bunch, it’s about a young Puerto Rican woman who has been widowed for two years, lives in a ghetto, and has little money. She has three kids and despairs about giving them a celebratory Thanksgiving. She is so sad and depressed about her situation that she often does not want to get up in the morning. One scene in which she sat at the kitchen table, unemotionally brushing aside bits of plaster that had fallen from the ceiling, struck me especially hard. However, she ends up remembering how her grandmother used to tell fantastic stories that weren’t true but ended up delighting the small children. The young woman decides to try the same thing with her kids, serving “turkey eggs” for Thanksgiving instead of a turkey and delighting them about how she found these special eggs. Lesson: The imagination can bring joy and hope in moments when all seems lost.

As a result of these wonderful stories, I plunged back into my fictional world. I tied up some major elements of my novel’s backstory up until 1997, explored some additional plot elements having to do with the solar system, and looked forward to wrapping up the 1997-2012 backstory in the coming weeks. I also realized that my epic master plan is actually on track, and a few friends continue to validate the efforts I’ve put forth.

Imagination and creativity, in whatever form, truly banishes hopelessness and despair. It’s why creation is more difficult than destruction, but why creation always wins out in the end.

Top 200 Ever: 15th Anniversary Edition (50-26)

Nearing the end! Needless to say, I love these songs. For a few, I’ve provided some personal notes why. Enjoy.

50 Air - La Femme D'Argent (I think I heard Air’s “Moon Safari” album for the first time when I visited my friend Todd in Boston during spring break 1999. Even if I didn’t, this song takes me back to Boston in March 1999 so vividly I can smell the subway and the sun-dried tomato bagels I’d buy at Dunkin’ Donuts in the mornings.)

49 Joni Mitchell - Both Sides, Now (Definitive song about growing into an adult.)

48 Metallica - Jump in the Fire

47 Blue Oyster Cult - Burnin' For You (This song is 100% Upstate New York in the 1980s. I can recall when it first came out in 1981 and hearing it on WOUR as a four-year old, sitting in the back seat of my parents’ 1972 Buick as we drove up Valley View Road going back home from somewhere.)

46 Journey - Stone in Love (Not a greatest hit, but for some reason this song evokes a certain kind of arena rock ambiance in the early 1980s that was part cool, part geek. Hard to explain.)

45 Jackson Browne - Running on Empty (Despite Forrest Gump nearly ruining this song for me, it still holds up as a great song about being burned out.)

44 Doobie Brothers - Listen to the Music (For some reason, I always think of this song playing during a time in the early 1970s when my parents and their friends were young, figuring themselves out, hanging out and partying, and thinking of kids as something far off in the future.)

43 Whitesnake – In the Still of the Night (I should be attacked for ranking this Led Zeppelin rip-off as higher than any Led Zeppelin song, but there is something about this song that freeze-dries the height of hair metal in 1987. There is a point in the latter part of the bridge when the song sounds simultaneously slick and heavy. I consider that handful of seconds the apex of late 1980s hair metal.)

42 Savatage - Ghost in the Ruins

41 Neil Young - Old Man

40 Motley Crue - Looks That Kill (Devastating. Perfect from start to finish. If this is the only thing Motley Crue ever did, their destiny would have been fulfilled.)

39 Black Sabbath - Hole in the Sky

38 Squeeze - Tempted

37 Steely Dan - Babylon Sisters

36 Duran Duran - Hold Back the Rain

35 The Who - Eminence Front

34 Dream Theater - A Change of Seasons (Not surprisingly, Dream Theater’s best moment is an epic song – but one on an EP in which they compress an album’s worth of ideas into 21 minutes. Captures Dream Theater at their most ambitious and concise.)

33 Jethro Tull - Witches Promise

32 Savatage - A Little Too Far

31 U2 - Walk On (Although specifically about an American journalist in jail, this song’s universal lyrics have inspired me to keep moving on with my life even at its darkest moments.)

30 Genesis – Abacab (Over forty years of rock criticism can go to hell if critics can’t recognize the consistency, quality, and appeal of Genesis.)

29 Black Sabbath - Wheels of Confusion / The Straightener (Black Sabbath’s best songs gain power by random shifts in mood and tempo. This seven minute song represents Black Sabbath at its experimental peak.)

28 Tears for Fears - Everybody Wants to Rule the World (Out of popular 1980s bands, Tears for Fears holds up the best in terms of emotional depth.)

27 Duran Duran – Rio (I never understood why Duran Duran did not get more acclaim. This particular song is exciting and full of dynamics, shifting back and forth between dark and light.)

26 Genesis - Turn it on Again (Phil Collins and Genesis at their best. The desperate lyrics are supported by the frantic music. I could listen to this song over and over.)

Narcissistic Graffiti: February 8, 2010

Last week was productive but relatively non-eventful. Participated in a session of the Red Door Playhouse Writer's Group that shattered our previous attendance record. Presented two exercises - one on belonging, and one on describing a place by suggestion and evocation (rather than straightforward literal description). As usual, everyone wowed me with their creativity and I walked away enriched with new insights.

Still struggling a bit with keeping an upbeat attitude through this dark, cold time of year. I know season and light is not an excuse for being moody, but persisting through the past two weeks has felt like the equivalent of doing push-ups over and over.

Read A Wrinkle in Time on Friday based on the suggestion of a friend. Even though it would have had its greatest impact on me when much younger, I liked the sense of fantasy that L'Engle evoked. A strange brew of spirituality, quantum physics, and a critique of modern society - questioning industrial mechanization in a world that needs something more to give our lives purpose.

Also began reading Ray Kurzweil's The Singularity is Near. While some of his predictions are probably far-fetched (and he repeats himself a LOT), I find myself influenced by his timeline of evolutionary history which he outlines chronologically starting at the birth of the universe: chemistry/physics, biology/DNA, brains, technology, brains combined with technology, and something transcendent after that. His views on evolution remind me of Arthur C. Clarke's. Gripping reading - can't wait to get back to it.

Had a classic creative night on Saturday in which I stayed up until 4am, losing track of the time as I wrote and listened to music. I wish every day could have moments like that.

Finally saw Avatar in 3-D. The effects were certainly impressive. Story was passable, with too many cliche moments, bad dialogue, and simplistic characters. Cameron squeaked by, primarily on the effects alone. Could have used more depth in the storytelling, but hey - the movie has made $2 billion. What do I know?

This week looks more exciting than last week. More business and networking meetings, a Manuel's Science Tavern on Saturday (subject: climate change), and some friends popping out of the woodwork to hang out. Now that I've cleared the hurdle of the history for my novel's backstory, I'm excited to delve into the final (smaller) areas of research awaiting me before I return to the draft.

Not looking forward to Valentine's Day. Will likely buy food and fortify myself in my apartment, keeping out the world while I delve into something creative in isolation. Feel stuck in a rut emotionally but not in the mood to bust out of it this year.

Top 200 Ever: 15th Anniversary Edition (75-51)

More of my all time favorite songs with some personal reflections. Enjoy.

75 Alan Parsons Project - Sirius / Eye in the Sky

74 Miles Davis - So What

73 Carly Simon - The Right Thing to Do

72 Joe Jackson - Steppin' Out

71 Led Zeppelin - The Rain Song

70 James Taylor - Carolina In My Mind (Although a common James Taylor song, I find it one of the darkest and most depressing songs in my collection. It’s essentially a song about despair and escapism.)

69 Led Zeppelin - Dancing Days

68 U2 - Beautiful Day (This song has given me hope through many dark times.)

67 Steely Dan - Kid Charlemagne

66 Bruce Springsteen - Born to Run (A common great song, but it personally resonates with me because it contains the tension I felt when I was 25/26 between my ambition and my desire to pull certain people along with me. Today, the song is a snapshot of that time, capturing the sadness that there is a price to pursuing your dreams.)

65 Dream Theater - Pull Me Under

64 Led Zeppelin - Nobody's Fault But Mine

63 Metallica - Mercyful Fate

62 John Lennon - Woman

61 Savatage – Believe (One the grittiest spiritual songs in heavy metal. It’s inspired me during some extremely dark times to remain hopeful.)

60 Jethro Tull - Stormy Monday Blues (BBC live session from 1968) (Although Jethro Tull’s ambition grew during their career, I just absolutely love this original fresh sound capturing British blues rock in the late 1960s.)

59 Jefferson Starship - Miracles

58 Motley Crue - Wild Side (One of the most inconsistent metal bands of the 1980s, but when they nailed a song, they nailed it. Some of the best metal riffs, ever.)

57 Led Zeppelin - Achilles Last Stand (Epic, epic, epic.)

56 James Taylor - You Can Close Your Eyes (It’s eerie how melancholy James Taylor could get in the early 1970s.)

55 Van Halen – Unchained (Everything that’s great about Roth-era Van Halen in less than five minutes.)

54 Genesis - Dancing with the Moonlit Knight (I’ve searched high and low for prog rock that makes me feel like this song does – as if I’d entered the aural equivalent of a J.R.R. Tolkien novel. No luck so far.)

53 Pink Floyd - Welcome to the Machine (A common Floyd song, but it never loses its power for me. That’s because fighting the machine is a conflict that never goes away.)

52 Duran Duran - My Own Way

51 Dream Theater – Surrounded (This was a rare song that offered hope of beauty in my mind during some dark times in high school. Years later, it is painfully nostalgic, taking me back to a time as a teenager when the raw desire for someone to just say, ‘You’re beautiful, Kevin’ was hidden under so many layers of psychological armor.)

 

Narcissistic Graffiti: February 1, 2010

After the warm relaxation of my holiday vacation in December, the month of January was like having my head doused in ice cold water. The month started off frantic and difficult, day after day of work serving up the usual challenges, coupled with the chill cold and lack of sun that affected my exercise and mood. I also upped the ante and finally got the historical research done for my novel. That was a major accomplishment and milestone that needed to be achieved sooner rather than later. Let me hold off on that for a second.

To be honest, this week I felt tired and miserable through no fault of any person or event. It was just one of those weeks. The GMA Mayors’s Day Conference was content-rich and I probably learned more per minute about national, state, and local politics by being in a room full of elected officials than I could watching a month’s worth of cable news. While the gubernatorial debates got a lot of coverage from others, I especially enjoyed the insights of the National League of Cities’s executive director, Don Borut. Here are some takeaways from his talk:

Why is Washington so partisan right now?

1.       Most congressional districts are not competitive. Leads to extreme candidates.

2.       Congresspeople don’t spend time with each other. They don’t know each other. It’s easy to demonize people you don’t know.

3.       The populace is frustrated with Democrats and right-wingers are frustrated with Republicans.

4.       The President now owns the problems. He can’t blame Bush anymore.

Local government challenges and other notes

-          Cities lag the economy by about two years. That puts local government recovery in the 2011-2012 timeframe.

-          There is a slowing of infrastructure projects right now.

-          Thirty years ago, cities were funded about 25-30% by the federal government. Today, it’s about 5%.

-          The White House has a more direct connection with local government than in any administration since George H.W. Bush.

-          Last year, states received money for Medicare which helped avoid draconian cuts.

-          More stimulus money is coming this year than last year.

-          Cops are underfunded, and energy is slow to emerge as an economic force.

Borut said his three priorities are economic recovery and job creation, transportation and transportation infrastructure, and energy and conservation support.

So, I enjoyed the conference but it sapped my energy for the rest of the week. I took the day off Friday to catch up with myself and had an enjoyable weekend rebalancing my life. Work is great, but if it’s not balanced by down time – writing, reading, thinking, music, routine errands, socializing, random insanity – then it’s easy to get ground up real quick.

Back to the milestone of finishing the historical research for my novel. I read a basic world history textbook supplemented with Wikipedia. Even taking a survey of basic world history from the Sumerians to the present was startling. It’s incredible how our collective knowledge and improved quality of life (for a very few) has been built on a few basic ideas ranging from the Enlightenment to agricultural innovations. It’s also easy to lose that knowledge and thus lose civilization. Civilization is something that must be fought for each day in the sum collective actions of people. At the end of the day, the net gain of the actions of seven billion people must advance our quality of life rather than diminish it.

My novel’s subtext has a lot to do with the forces of “civilization” versus lack of civilization, questioning the premise and meaning behind what we call civilization. Civilization is simply an “is,” neither objectively good or bad, and it is always up to us to give it meaning. Civilization has brought us jazz and warm beds in comfy houses, but it has also brought us the destruction of the Native Americans and the Holocaust. So, I question civilization’s ultimate meaning in my novel as the characters all do their thing. What is civilization? Why do we assume it’s good? What alternatives or permutations might we be missing? In lieu of progress, have we missed the true meaning of what a life means?

This week looks busy but the pace is more measured. Looking forward to the Red Door Playhouse writer’s group tomorrow, and I’m excited about the two exercises I’m bringing to the group. I have some friends to connect with toward the end of the week and into the weekend. And it’s also time to push into the next phases of my novel research, which should go by more quickly than the historical research. One month down, and it was good. Eleven more to go.

Top 200 Ever: 15th Anniversary Edition (100-76)

This week, we crack my Top 100. I’ve included some comments now that the songs are getting more personal. As the numbers get higher, these are songs that go from simply favorites to emotional snapshots capturing key moments of my life. It’s difficult for me to listen to these songs without having to stop what I’m doing. Enjoy.

100 Joni Mitchell - Help Me

99 Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love

98 Bread - Aubrey

97 Ratt - Lay It Down (With this song, hair metal never died. It’s 1985 again.)

96 KISS - Tears Are Falling (An unusually intense KISS song from their makeup-less era.)

95 Fleetwood Mac - Landslide

94 Jethro Tull – Teacher (Forever takes me back to my senior year of high school, reminding me of one of my favorite teachers – and Jethro Tull fanatic - Mr. Zak.)

93 James Taylor - That's Why I'm Here (A deceptively pleasant song about acceptance of one’s life purpose.)

92 Led Zeppelin - Gallow's Pole

91 James Taylor - Only a Dream in Rio (Another deceptively pleasant song about the rebirth of one’s life and creativity.)

90 The Who - You Better You Bet

89 Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness / Tonight, Tonight (These are the first two tracks of the Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness album. For some reason, this album served as my farewell to adolescence, both capturing its feeling and saying goodbye to it at the same time.)

88 Led Zeppelin - Tangerine

87 Queensryche - My Global Mind (I remembered listening to this song in my senior year of high school, imagining the life that lay before me.)

86 Opeth - Ghosts of Perdition

85 Ratt - Round and Round

84 Fleetwood Mac - Gypsy

83 The Cars - Drive

82 Van Halen - Dance the Night Away

81 Immortal - Frozen by Icewinds

80 Metallica - Battery

79 Black Sabbath - Tomorrow's Dream

78 Van Halen - I'll Wait

77 The Carpenters - Rainy Days and Mondays (Anyone who thinks the Carpenters were happy clean safe pop stars should give this song a listen. It’s more depressing than anything the Cure ever released.)

76 Jethro Tull – Inside (“That was the best cup of coffee I ever had.” That line always gets me, as this song takes me back to how Utica College felt – drinking coffee, surrounded by friends, talking late into the night without hindrance or worrying about getting up the next morning.)